Seeking "Normal"

I just realized that I haven't written in two weeks, and in all honesty, that makes me feel a little rusty! It's a daily surprise how much I have been trying to invent a new normal the past few weeks. From scheduling the weekly activities to attempting to make a rhythm of the daily chaos, I keep clinging to the idea that this elusive "normal" is going to settle me into a pacified/satisfied state. The challenges of being a planner in a lifestyle that allows anything but that. I'm now wondering if I will be expecting "normal" to hit when I'm an old lady sitting in a rocking chair and contemplating my younger years. Part of the struggle is finding ways to fill an otherwise empty home. Here I have to interject that I am blessed with these simple facts: I have a job, I have great friends, and I love my church family. All that combined though can't wipe away the fact that silence is inevitable when your little family shrinks by one....and the fact that Ritter can't talk, but I'm still holding out hope that this too will happen in the near future. Then I plan on touring the country with my amazing dog, earning boat loads of money, and inventing a time machine to make the deployment move faster.

While I'm waiting for the creative genius needed to travel time I did make a little something to help me pass the days. The key? M&Ms. They are chocolate goodness, and make me happy, so I am now a proud owner of a "countdown" jar. At first I filled the jar with the obvious one per week, but the jar was sadly empty. To fix this issue I kept filling the jar by multiples until I felt like it was nice and full looking. This means that I now get to eat five a week on Mondays (my counting day), although I have to admit this may be a bigger test in will power than I anticipated. Each stinking time I walk into the kitchen for any reason I stop and stare at the jar and want to eat some with everything inside me. I sometimes find myself trying to reason out how many I could eat and remember to subtract from the following week. My inner dialogue sounds a little something like this: "I could eat one and just remember to take that off next week's count. Wait, what am I thinking? I could eat five and take one off of each week for the next five. Or maybe I could remember that I get none next Monday. No, that wouldn't be fun. In that case I should eat twenty and buy a new bag at the store tomorrow..." and on it goes until I can convince myself to walk out of the kitchen. Even writing about those M&Ms makes me have a craving! Next time I am going to have to make a paper chain countdown, or something a little less delicious.

Beyond my weakness for chocolate, the last two weeks have passed pleasantly fast. I work three days a week, and find a good bit of trouble to get into on the days in between. Last Saturday I got to watch my friend's little boys Boyce and Gage while the rest of the family went to a wedding. I thought I knew energetic until I met these brothers! From the time I got there in the morning to when I left that evening, we were moving the whole time outside of naps. One of my favorite things that Boyce and Gage do is to say thanks to all the cars that would stop for us at the crosswalks. They would laugh and yell it as we passed, and more than one driver was smiling at the boys. If only I could pass on kindness like that to strangers more often. They have the idea down. I also got a chance to eat McDonald nuggets with them, and I have to admit that every so often that is a yummy meal. Boyce was the one who decided we should all eat nuggets, so I had to oblige and go with the flow :)

Then to make my weekends even more awesome, I went to the beach and American lake yesterday. My sweet PWOC (bible study for Army wives) friend Heather invited me to the outing, and I had a great time! First, we all piled into cars and drove out to Grayland Beach on the Pacific Ocean for lunch and fun in the sand. Or that was the plan until we got to the beach and realized it was twenty degrees colder than where we live, and that the sand was being kicked up by a terrific wind. We then decided to eat a quick lunch on the beach since we had made the drive out, and then came back to the lake for kayaking. This was my first time to kayak, and, to top that off, there was a huge Bald Eagle circling the lake. The NW can be stunning when it isn't raining. Finally we hit exhaustion point and decided to call it a day, but what a great day it was!

And how did I top this off? By coming home and working on my backyard. Adulthood has a way of being sneakily pragmatic like that. At first I tried to use my friend's push mower (think old-school, human-powered), but the evil pine cones kept jamming the blades. I then had to spend two hours raking those pesky tree bits into piles around the yard while Ritter tried his best to dig in them. Three large pine trees/evergreens make for quite a bit of work! Needless to say, I had to stop raking and mowing and concede to the fact that the yard work would branch into this morning once I understood the scope. The good news? After building biceps of steel and putting in more hours today, I am now the proud owner of one nice looking yard. And the hippies can be proud of my push mowing, environmental friendliness. Maybe that will balance out my lack of desire to take things outside to the recycling can. We've had more than a few things hit the trashcan that could have been recycled- just don't tell anyone here. They might protest on my freshly cut yard...

The final highlight of my last two weeks was going to see The Help with my friends from book club. To put it simply, the movie is awesome. Take your friends and go see it now. Even better, make friends with people in a book club, sit around and talk about books you all read once a month, and then make a date to go see this movie. It was one that lived up to the book, which is no small feat in my eyes.

And there you have it, my life in a nutshell, with highlights of cool events. It may not be all-encompassing, but then who wants to read about the mundane things like my lack of ability to unload the dishwasher full of clean dishes for eight days running? I have more important things to do....like blog!

There's a rumbly in my tumbly!

I have finally hit the realization that Dereck isn't coming back anytime soon. I knew this would happen, and I haven't been trying to necessarily avoid it.....ok, maybe just a little, but here I am. All of his laundry has been folded and put away, all the little things he left laying around the house have been placed back in proper places, and most sad of all, the fridge is now largely void of the foods he likes. It's weird how these little things can hit harder than the blaring ones of deployment, like the fact that he is nowhere to be seen. Ritter has stopped looking for him in the mornings, and I am already losing contact with the soldier rhythm of post. Just yesterday I was at the gym, and it was uncharacteristically empty, and I had to wonder if it was a DONSA (day of no scheduled activity) instead of knowing because of the simple fact that my husband was home. When I go grocery shopping I am now that deployed spouse whose cart is lined with food that screams "my soldier is gone." Staples like deli meat, sides for meals, and Dereck's favorite salsa have been replaced with my comfort foods and frozen meals. It made me laugh just a little while I walked the aisles debating whether to eat tortellini for the third time this week. I have never proclaimed to like cooking, and with Dereck gone my skills have dropped to boiling water and making sandwiches, but then I secretly love peanut butter and jellies, so no complaining here!

One a more happy note, the last week hasn't been too crazy, so I am grateful. The sun finally made its biannual appearance and we have been in the *gasp* 70s- almost 80s. This helps me to not miss Dereck as much since I'm not locked inside like a crazy woman with the cold rain. Work has also given me a reason to wake up and wash my hair, something I find hard to do on days when I don't have to be anywhere at any particular time. Sometimes I really wish that girls could rock short hair as a gender norm and avoid all the fuss associated with the ordeal. I might look rough, but man would it be so nice in the mornings!

Beyond all the sad aspects of deployment, I have the blessing of "battle buddies" whose husbands are also gone, and offer great friendship. This last week alone I have tried an amazing restaurant in Olympia, eaten a delicious "brinner" (breakfast for dinner), and seen the new Whinnie the Pooh movie. Before you judge the Pooh decision let me state that I have been an avid Pooh fan since I was a toddler, and going to see the new movie was simply a must, so there! When I found out other friends wanted to see it I had to jump on the opportunity. And the movie? It was everything I hoped for: cute, short, funny, and accompanied by great music from Zooey Deschanel. I recommend grabbing a small kid, or other friends who also secretly want to see it, and going today.

In addition to my battle buddies with deployed husbands, the Army is also a fantastic spot to meet friends from all over the country (and sometimes world), and I spent yesterday evening with one of my favorites and her husband. They are the sweetest people, even if they are Yankees ;) A dinner full of laughter and crazy conversation was just the thing I needed as I count up the days since I last talked to Dereck. I'm thankful for every opportunity, but when we average 10-15 minutes per conversation, and this only happens twice a week it can get a little taxing. In fact, I am praying he gets on Skype as I write this sentence. With the time zone differences I can reasonably guess the times he might be available, and the later it gets into a day, the lower the odds. It's not looking too hot the more I write on this blog though.....The Army is nothing if not a game of hurry up and wait!