Life in the Woods

Growing up as an Army brat led me to believe that I knew "the ropes" of this whole Army thing. Even when I was engaged to Dereck, I still held the idea that I was good to go, and now that theory is getting tested. Big time. Two days after we returned from our honeymoon we got in our respective cars and made the gruelling trip to Ft. Leonard Wood, Missouri. I had seen the post one time before when I made a trip out to see Dereck during one of his schooling sessions. My impression was that it was small, but overall not too shabby. Now that I have been here just under a week, I have no great anger or hatred towards the place, but really understand what Dereck was saying when he called it "Fort Lost in the Woods." I live out by a Cracker Barrel and Walmart, which serve as the two flagships for people on Interstate 44 to acknowledge there is a semblance of people living in a town here.

The lack of civilization around Ft. Leonard Wood only seems to stand out when I make trips to surrounding towns and realize what all is different. One might think that after four years of living in a city for college, this difference might be exacerbated. And perhaps it would, if I were living here long term. The fact that I am only here for four weeks serves as a sanity check, and even though the odds that we might return are great, I cling to the hope that I will be more integrated into the Army spouse life and able to create order in my day.

The choice to come out here with Dereck meant leaving my full time job, and while I miss the work I was doing, it is still a choice I would make again. Dating long distance for two years can make even the most isolated places sound like heaven so long as that loved one is there with you. And that is exactly why I smile despite the lack of job, entertainment, or civilization. Right now I am working on finding a rhythm to the day since that always made me feel the most settled in college. I have a list of things next to my computer that I need to accomplish during this hiatus, but somehow fixing up my resume, writing wedding thank you letters, and finishing the New York Times crossword puzzle hit the back burner first and foremost.

Today I decided that I would look at this month as time for personal reflection and polishing. This is my decision in the face that nobody hires for a month only, and my personal drive to be contributing to society. Dereck says that this should be my time to rest and relax, given my tendency to push pretty hard. Some moments are better than others for going along with this idea. So far I have noticed that the days tend to have a pattern of satisfaction and worry that seem to cycle around one another. I will work up towards the point of feeling good, and then something in the back of my head tells me that I am being lazy and not productive. Call it too much energy and not enough attention.

My mom says that I should focus on exercising and cooking, the first of which is going per normal, and the second of which isn't going at all. And I know that some people out there at this point would shake their heads and laugh, thinking "Gena hates cooking." But above that is the fact that I am normally not in the mood, and just as easily satisfied with sandwiches. And with the fact that Dereck gets home at a different time everyday and that I have one stove eye and no oven to work with, and you can get the idea of where this is going. The gym has a ton of classes offered, and I even got a schedule of them, but so far have only tried the spin class. My lack of coordination and the feeling that aerobic classes never really do it for me are currently inhibiting me from trying, but the ambition is there.

On the upswing for today was grabbing a quick lunch with Dereck and then heading out to explore the metropolis of Rolla, Missouri. Armed with only the knowledge that they had a Panera Bread Co., and some type of college, I had no specific expectations. The housing I did see in my ramblings surprised me. It was quaint in the 1950s style that has been well up kept and it was easy for me to imagine what the place might have looked like back "in the day." I also found a downtown area that correlated in age to the houses, and the campus of Missouri University of Science and Technology. I later read on the Internet that there is supposed to be some type of Stonehenge structure there, but the giant primordial stones alluded my cruising of the strip. And, true to Dereck's promise, there was a Panera, and the overpriced coffee and bagel smell beckoned me. I ended up spending an hour or so sitting and reading, and let's be honest, people watching. Sometimes I think I missed my calling as an anthropologist. People, especially in social situations, are intensely interesting.

At a table near me sat a group of mixed ages of women. I first thought bible study, but the lack of bibles and talk around stables, tacks, and horses, led me to the conclusion of horse riders. Clever, I know. There was also an abnormally large amount of professionals in the place taking advantage of the free wifi, which led me to then wonder where the heck they worked. Rolla must be more industrialized than I realized- maybe the campus or hospital. It only struck me as I left that this Panera was called Panera, and not St. Louis Bread Co., which is actually where it originated. I thought that they only changed it to Panera out-of-state, but apparently this is not so.

After drinking all my mocha, pretending to read, and people watching as long as I could without being detected, I headed back down the interstate towards Ft. Leonard Wood with thoughts on what my adventure should be tomorrow. This whole sitting back, relaxing, and learning to not be over-booked business is hard, and I still feel myself fighting against it.